I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
