i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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