I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
