so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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