I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
