well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My dad just said "fuck circus"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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