I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
