i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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