I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
