so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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