You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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