I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
