If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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