It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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