Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
