Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
