I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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