Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
