youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
