Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
