There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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