I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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