That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Randomize
