ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
