i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
