He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
