Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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