well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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