were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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