fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
