well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
