just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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