i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
