you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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