I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
