My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
