yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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