I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
