This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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