Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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