I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
