I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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