if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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