we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
