I wanna bring you to show and tell
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
