Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
