Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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