Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
