could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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