and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize