i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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