my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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