Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
