So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
