you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
