Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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