I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
