Where is the hickey?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
