The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
