dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
