I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
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