just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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