Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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