I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
