help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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