hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
