I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I want a musical about memes.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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