you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
