i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
