You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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