...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
did i walk over a car last night?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
