worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Randomize
