Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
