watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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