he wants to bone in the snuggie
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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