I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
We're too hungover to prance.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
