what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
