I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
