Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
