i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
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