i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
