You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
