my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
