he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
